


Buyer Brigade

by JA_Authoress



Series: Muggle Mishaps [37]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Good Boyfriend, January 1979, Kinda, M/M, bad disguises, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 23:54:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5763793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JA_Authoress/pseuds/JA_Authoress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>January 19, 1979</p><p>Remus's first day working at the bookstore.  Sirius is determined to make sure his boyfriend is the star employee.  He enlists some help.</p><p>“Bloody hell, Padfoot!” Remus whipped around, whispering aggressively.  “I thought I told you to stay away for at least a month! And what in Merlin’s name are you wearing? Is that my hat? Did you transfigure my sodding hat?”</p><p>Sirius was indeed wearing his boyfriend’s transfigured hat.  Along with an impressive—obviously fake—beard, and a patchwork coat from Merlin-knew-where.</p><p>“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Sirius continued his charade, sporting the most ridiculous over the top posh accent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Buyer Brigade

January 19, 1979

11:01 a.m.

“ACHOO!”

“Feeling all right there, love?” Winnie popped her head around the corner into the back room.

“Of course, I’m just working on reorganizing the top shelves here. They’re a little dusty.”

“Thank Merlin I found someone as tall as you, I’ve been switching between carrying around a ladder and perfecting my levitating spells these past few years.”

“Oh? You use magic in the shop? You’re not afraid of muggles seeing?”

Winnie laughed a boisterous laugh. “Not in the least! The bell atop the door has a different tone if a muggle enters. You’ll get used to it soon enough.”

As if on cue, the door opened, and the bell emitted a low brassy tune. 

Remus followed Winnie out to the front and immediately rolled his eyes.

“Good morning, sir. Is there something I can help you with?” Winnie asked cheerfully.

“Yes, I do believe this strapping young lad here can get me all sorted out. I’m looking for—” the customer paused and looked down at his hand not so subtly. “—Igor Albus Poet. The swotty bloke who wrote about ravens.”

Remus resisted the urge to facepalm.

“Do you mean, Edgar Allen Poe?”

“That’s the one! Help an old man out, would you?”

Remus led the customer around the corner near the window. He whirled around once out view of Winnie’s knowing eyes.

“Bloody hell, Padfoot!” Remus whipped around, whispering aggressively. “I thought I told you to stay away for at least a month! And what in Merlin’s name are you wearing? Is that my hat? Did you transfigure my sodding hat?”

Sirius was indeed wearing his boyfriend’s transfigured hat. Along with an impressive—obviously fake—beard, and a patchwork coat from Merlin-knew-where.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Sirius continued his charade, sporting the most ridiculous over the top posh accent.

“You’re imitating Slughorn’s accent.”

“I am not! … Bugger.” Sirius swore. There was a reason he got so many detentions, disguises weren’t his strong suit. “I just wanted to help you out. You know, show Winnie that you’re a brilliant employee so she’ll keep you forever. Or at least until I can convince you to be my housewife.”

Remus got down several of Poe’s books. “Well stop it, you’re not fooling anyone, and although I’ve only been working here for a grand total of forty-five minutes, I would rather like to keep this job for as long as possible, so if you don’t mind—”

“I’m helping you!” Sirius hissed. He grabbed the books out of Remus’s hands before he could snatch them away.

“You’ve got yourself a bloody brilliant employee here, madam.” Sirius announced loudly.

Remus threw his hands up in the air, mouthing a few choice words while he was still hidden by the bookshelves. He was incredibly grateful that no one else was in the store at the time.

Unfortunately for Remus (and his blood pressure), it was only the start of his shift.

11:43 a.m.

Winnie just left for lunch. There were a few muggles in the shop now. The bell rang a cute little ring whenever a muggle entered the store. Remus smiled every time he heard it.

The bell rang again, a low brassy tune.

“Bollocks.” Remus cursed under his breath, handing a nice young muggle woman her purchase. She blushed lightly and fled.

“Morning, old chap! I’m looking for the children’s picture book section. I’ve got several grandchildren to buy for.”

Remus groaned, burying his face in his palms. “I can’t believe Padfoot talked you into this.”

“I’m terribly sorry, my dear boy, I’m not sure what a Padfoot is.”

“Prongs, I’m going to murder you.”

James’s hazel eyes absolutely lit up at the threat. Although it was rather hard to see them, his face seemed to have been taken over by a massive white beard. His hair was suspiciously still very black though, as the fringe kept poking out from the hat he was wearing.

“The children’s section is to your right, the bottom two shelves in the corner.” Remus pointed with his left hand. He didn’t remove the other hand from his face in fear of what—or who—he might see next.

Someone loudly cleared their throat.

Remus looked up.

“No.”

“Don’t worry, I’m just here to purchase this here book. Like a regular muggle—I mean person! Like a regular person. Don’t mind me, just a regular man out shopping.”

“You look ridiculous, Wormtail.”

“Padfoot’s the one who picked out my disguise,” Peter whispered loudly, pushing down his heavy scarf to speak. “If you’ve got any complaints, take it up with him.” He pushed his scarf back up. “Now, if you could please ring me up, there’s a good lad.”

Remus nearly threw Peter’s new book at him.

11:55 a.m.

“You didn’t even change your disguise.”

“I did too! Er—I mean—I have no idea what you’re talking about. What’s my total?”

Remus raised an eyebrow.

“‘Seven Steps to Personal Enlightenment’?”

Peter had the decency to look at least a bit bashful.

12:01 a.m.

Sirius (in a hideous blond wig, awful hat, and obnoxiously bright clothing) looked rather proud of himself as he made his way to the counter with his latest intended purchase tucked under his arm.

James, also in disguise, but obviously not quite as in character as Sirius, snorted. 

“Mate, that’s hilarious seeing as you’re never going to father a child given your current relationship status.”

“I was going to give it to Evans, so she knows what she’s getting into.”

James opened and closed his overly mustached mouth several times, turning a rather interesting shade of red. He sputtered a bit and then his eyes seemed to glaze over.

“You’re utterly ridiculous, you love-struck twat.” Sirius rolled his eyes before turning his full attention back to Remus. “Excuse me, you seem like a handsome, well read lad. Could you help me with something? I have a—er—friend who absolutely loves old, posh fiction, and romance, and cooking, and…”

Sirius continued on for a few minutes.

Remus hit his head on the counter, praying to anyone listening that no muggles were within earshot, and that Winnie didn’t come back from lunch early.

12:16 p.m.

“Get out.”

“But—”

“Just get out. Get out of the shop. By using the door, PLEASE!”

“Where’s the service? Where’s the smile? I’m here as a customer! So you can put down your wand and stop frowning anyyyyyy time, mate.”

12:24 p.m.

“Do you do gift wrap?”

“No.”

James looked mildly put out, taking his bag of ‘Knitting and Crochet: Beginners Edition’ and a Hardy Boys novel (that “looked exciting” judging by the cover).

Peter toddled over with a few copies of Nancy Drew. He didn’t even try to stay in character, he was too excited, “Do you do gift wrap?”

Remus’s lip twitched as he tried not to smile. Peter was actually kind of earnest. “I only have yesterday’s newspaper, is that alright?”

“Sure!”

James poked his head back around the bookshelf, ridiculous hat askew. “Oi! Double standard!”

12:36 p.m.

When he saw a familiar head of dark red hair, that was the last sodding straw.

“Afternoon Remus, how’s work treating you? Do you think you could help me with something? It’s my mum’s birthday coming up, and I—”

“Look, I’m flattered you’re trying to help out, and Merlin knows what Sirius had to do to get you in on this whole conspiracy, but I have had to deal with your bloody fiancé and his sodding friends for the last hour and a half. Don’t think I don’t know what you lot are doing!”

Lily looked incredibly confused. She looked around and spotted Sirius in a rather hideous wig two shelves over, and was that James in his mother’s fur cloak?

“Dear Merlin!”

Remus and Lily jumped. Winnie had appeared at the register so fast, she may have actually apparated.

“Look, Winnie, I’m so sorry, I can explain—”

“Explain how you’ve managed to triple my sales from the last three weeks? I don’t think I really want to know!” Winnie grinned a grin that made Remus think for a second or two she may have been sorted into Slytherin (although, the whole muggle born thing put a real damper on that theory). “You, sir, deserve a break! Think you lads, and lass, could take this hard working young man out for an extra long lunch?”

Everyone came out from hiding, heinous disguises and all.

“Of course my dear Winnie!” Sirius gave the shopkeeper a kiss on the cheek. “We’ll have your star employee back in an hour!”

He gave Remus a proper kiss once the bookshelves were sort of blocking them. Winnie definitely knew though.

“You lot are lucky I didn’t get fired.”

“You’re welcome!” the three Marauders chorused once they exited the shop.

Remus rolled his eyes with a wide smile.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't mean for it to get that long... but anywho. Something ridiculous to get you through the week. Thank you Bunny for the awesome: "Sirius keeps coming in in different outfits pretending to be different people to check on him and buy books and no one is fooled and Remus has to make him go home." and several of the wonderful lines. Also, did I actually go through and edit this properly? No, never. If you see any glaring mistakes, please let me know.
> 
> Thank you everyone for reading so far! Please leave a kudos/comment if you enjoyed this episode.
> 
> Remember! There is a fine line between being supportive and being obnoxiously over the top "let's wear disguises and make you employee of the month" supportive. Fine line really. 
> 
> Have a wonderful day/night!


End file.
